Stepsister's Lament

Serves me right for flaunting the page views on my free blog...I've been getting attacked by ads all day! It's one of those things I didn't read when I "agreed" to the Terms and Conditions. Really though, girls in bikinis??

I've thought about changing websites. Why don't I do something easier to remember like myname.com, or even change the Filisteen to the more recognized spelling, Falasteen? I Googled both of them, Falasteen is three times more common. When I started this thing three years ago I think I just didn't like the sound of "fala," like it was vulgar or something. That was before I ever had to say the word "falasteen." Who cares about the spelling of a translation, anyway? To me, "falasteenola" sounds like a mouthful, a kind of vulgar one at that. At this point, though, I just want to stick it out. I like my URL, it's like...mah bebe. 

Anyways, there's still a lot of organizing to do, between the Palestine and New Orleans parts of this blog. A few articles to write, a film to make. Now I'm just capturing essence...will these entries turn into some bigger? Maybe, maybe...

I'm sitting at Peet's Coffee in downtown Menlo Park, this is like Bay Area Tully's, and it has a good vibe. I'm sitting by the door to keep an eye on my bike, which is leaning against a tree on the sidewalk. There are always folks chatting on the bench facing the coffeeshop, which is really nice to see. The other night, an old man said, "dohhh, I was gonna take that bike home with me!" and we struck up a conversation. He said he'd give me a bike light next time he saw me. I can't remember what he looks like. Maybe he's out there now.

Still uploading footage to YouTube in every setting imaginable. Watching high school volleyball players walk home with their parents, software engineers walk around town after work. I feel so invisible here. Like I can't make up my mind about trying to be a part of this community. How does one meet people in Menlo Park, anyway? Biking home one night past all the nice restaurants, I briefly considered doing match.com. But for such a short stint, that just sound cruel and not the point of it. I might as well do "casual encounters" on Craigslist. Then I made myself snort with laughter and might have startled this one woman walking down the sidewalk.

This kid next-table just asked his mama, "is this gonna be our DINNER?!"

And...just now, a man just went up to be and asked me what the back of my shirt said. "Palestine Writing Workshop," like the front of it. It's the 5K Run/Walk t-shirt, like I wore back at Tully's. The man was like, oh, ok. He seemed like a very pleasant fellow.

"I just got back from there, I'm actually working on some videos right now to show people what it was like."

"Do you have any buzz words so I can look for them on Youtube?"

I got his e-mail address so I could send him the link when I was done.

"Seems like we need a little more...peace over there. I still hear about the bombardments coming over from the Palestinian side."

I told him I was in the West Bank for about a year, and most of my Israeli and Palestinian friends were on the liberal side, and were doing a lot of work together against what the Israeli military is doing. Like if he and I went over to Afghanistan to work with Afghanis in the middle of own military occupation.

"Well....that would be pretty dangerous."

"I know some Christian Peacemakers who did it..."

He said something about Rachel Maddow not talking about "the conflict" very much, and I said she's still very cautious. He asked if I recommend any other news sites, and I said Rachel Maddow is probably the farthest left we go, since we don't have Al Jazeera, but Mondoweiss was a good site for I/P news.

He asked me if I had a lot of these conversations when I wear this shirt, and I said just one time, with a barista. But I wasn't so much part of this community yet. He recommended Kepler's books across the street, they have readings and discussions a lot, and the seminars at Stanford are great.

I really appreciated that, and told him my name was Morgan, and said I'd e-mail him soon, and he left the coffeeshop.

:)

I was thinking about this song as I biked into town today. It was in the Musical songbook on the piano at Carin's house, and I remembered the song from when I spotlighted the Rogers & Hammerstein's review at Whitman. The two wicked stepsisters are singing about the prince falling for the mystery woman, Cinderella. I started questioning their wickedness...

If I write a musical someday, my characters will be hella complex.

Oh, why would a fella wanna girl like her, a girl who's merely lovely,
Why can't a fella ever once prefer a girl who's merely me?

Since the Flag Counter was installed, FilisteeNola has had over 1,000 American visitors!

Not to ignore those other countries, but a 4-digit number just looks so good!

I re-read a post from Al Aqaba, one that my mom liked. It made me smile. A fine day in Palestine. 
Nature walks, bedouins and rainbows

SLow

I've embarked on a great and grueling adventure....learning Adobe Premiere Pro CS6.

I've waited so long for this software, and now it's finally at my fingertips. All those videos that sat unmade, or got made in Ulead (*shudder*) will finally be born, or re-born in all their glory.....

Like any language, it takes time to learn. After this long, I've gotten so impatient. One thing you can't BS your way through is export settings. CS6 gives you over 100 choices, thanks to all these Android, , iPod, TiVo, Vimeo, and YouTube specifications we have now. I should pick YouTube, right? But there's no YouTube choice for 720 SD, should I try HD? Should I go up to 1080? What are my frames per second? 25, or 23.9508645968456? Why is that such a crazy number?

Turns out there are different rates for European and American cameras. I bought mine in Ramallah, therefore it is PAL, not NTSC. That's why I have a rate of 25, not that "standard" American number....

There are two PAL settings on CS6, one regular and one wide-screen. Neither of them look good. I've re-uploaded the same four videos to YouTube several times, and I've come to terms with the fact that my camera is poop, but I'd really better not lessen the quality, if that's the case. For some videos it's ok, but when you're walking around Ramallah at night people tend to move around like these psychadelic smears and I swear Ramallah wasn't that fun.

I joined the Adobe help forum, and posed my challenge, why is there no help for SD PAL files going to YouTube? Now it says I've had 11 views, but no replies. I'm getting a little fed up with trial-and-error, I'd much rather someone tell me what to do at this point. 

Initially I said I bought the camera in Ramallah, then I changed it to Jerusalem. I actually wondered if someone would choose not to help me or give me bad advice if they saw "Ramallah." At the same time now the people on the forum won't have heard of that poster who bought their camera in Ramallah, and Ramallah won't get that "normal" mention it deserves.

And so it goes. Expediency and paranoia win again.

This is another Twin Shadow song, it's been in my head for the last few days.....

I started reading Alif the Unseen today. I hadn't picked up a fiction book for a few months. For some reason I reached for it, and not my laptop, like I always do when I get home. I read the first 100 pages, and every few pages I had to put it down and just breathe.

"Every time I read a book, it makes me want to fall in love."

I was agreeing with something I didn't want to remember. 

He posted that a few months after dropping the L-bomb...on me. Now who was he saying that for?

And when I got quiet and passive, he said this:

"Come onn, speak, speak...."

Yallaa, ihki, ihki....

Flying my Colors

I was talking to Donna about the fundraiser and the tour, and she mentioned that's it's so hard to...something or order. And I was feeling particularly optimistic then, and I replied, "it's the hard...that makes it great!" to quote one of my favorite movies. She laughed and said that she'd just watched it for the first time the day before and totally knew what I meant.

I'm optimistic because I'm doing what I love, writing and film-making and advocating, setting the stage, as it were. Even though at the moment I'm feeling a bit isolated and anti-social and way too "plugged-in." Ahhhh, I'll go out later.

I'm thoroughly enjoying getting to know the Bay Area. This is a place I could see myself living in someday. 

This song popped into my head at the office. Definitely a Bach family favorite. That went on the list of "movies to buy on DVD for the grand-kids because our kids loved the shit out of those VHS's." I still don't think I'm over the VHS. That heated plastic smell...hmmm.

When the Movie's Over

Today I went to a party with lots of Lutheran ministers. Khader had invited me to go with him and Danielle, he said some of the ministers might know my great-grandfather, who taught at a seminary in St. Louis way back in the day. In any case, I like Lutherans and parties and Khader and Danielle, so I was looking forward to it.

Khader picked me up in Menlo Park and drove me to meet Danielle in San Mateo. We talked about his sermons and Palestine and the Lutheran Church. He told me some people introduced him as a minister from Bethlehem, Israel. And he reminded them, "no, I come from Palestine." And they'd say, "yes, yes, well, we have to be sensitive about this." Oooh, that makes me cringe. It also made me appreciate the position that Khader is in, as one of the sole representatives of the Palestinian Christian community in the American Lutheran church. That he is constantly making those corrections, and connecting our talk of the Holy Land to the present-day reality, and fighting off evangelists who think he's Muslim. It must be exhausting, but dang, do I respect it.

The shindig was in a nice apartment in Belmont, eight stories up with a good view of the Bay....through the trees, anyway!The host, Kemp, welcomed us into into his "tree house" and invited us to eat, drink and be merry. Then he made us go around and do introductions, which I was grateful for, because it made it easier for me to meet people afterward.

"Hi, I'm Morgan, and my last congregation was the Redeemer Church in Jerusalem, and I know Khader and Danielle through the place I'm working in San Mateo, and in general, my family is from Leavenworth, Washington, and the Grunewald Guild." Khader chimed in, "and her great-grandfather taught at Seminex."

Sounds of recognition went all around. Kemp said that he was glad Khader had brought me, and gave me another warm welcome. After we dispersed, an older gentleman sitting on the sofa caught my arm and asked me my great grandfather's name. I said, "Richard Caemmerer Sr."

Bob smiled and said, "he was my homiletics professor."

He told me some stories about Doc Caemmerer, how he kept an office in a corner tower in the center of campus, and published a weekly column in the paper called "Eye on the Quad." While he talked I just looked at this dear man whose eyes were shining and my heart just liquified. He wasn't the only one who talked about Doc today. Two others, a woman and a man had also studied with him, and only had wonderful things to say. "Everyone loved Doc."

Several people had also heard of Holden Village and the Grunewald Guild. I talked about my grandparents and how they started the Guild, and that they're still making art up in Washington.

I spent a bit of time catching up with Danielle while we hovered over the veggies and dip. A lot of people wanted to know how she had met Khader, and how they knew me, and there was quite a bit of talk about the Holy Land stemming from that.

"I've been to Israel about five times now," one woman repeated, "and the last time we went to Bethlehem, oh my goodness, we saw the wall, and it was just...it reminded me of East Berlin."

A German-American pastor named Christian was in the circle, and he had grown up in West Germany, and agreed about the wall. He was also very candid with Danielle and I about his experiences in Palestine. "The last time I went, I got to stay with Khader's family in Beit Jala, and they were so wonderful, and hospitable, and hearing their personal stories was just heart-breaking. I really...felt more welcomed in the West Bank than I did in Israel." I nodded, having heard it and felt it constantly. I think it's important to say, to give some credit to the Palestinians, but a very unproductive statement on its own. There are a lot of reasons, Israel is a more Westernized culture, so it's more individualistic, but foreigners in the West Bank are received so well in part because any visitor there is seen as a supporter of the people under occupation.

"Coming from Germany, I can definitely say that there's still a lot of guilt there. I work with a German Christian-Jewish partnership group, so we dialogue about our relationship, but on the topic of Israel, the conversation stops." Danielle said she'd heard that sentiment a lot among her German friends studying in Israel, so he's not alone. I asked him if he knew that Germany has the fastest growing Jewish population in the world? He jumped up and said, "Yes, yes! In Berlin! We're very proud of this, can I say that? After everything that happened, we are working very hard to repair this relationship."

I thought of the German Lutherans like Dietrich Bonhoeffer who opposed the Nazi regime, and what role this legacy could have in Palestine. Can it be reclaimed to help the victims, as well as the victims of the victims?

Christian been to Israel and Palestine many times. Danielle asked him if he'd consider writing about his experience, because she could help him edit and publish it. He said yes, absolutely! He really was great to converse with. I told him I was collecting stories from foreigners in Palestine, and he gave me his card. I want to drop into his church, I can tell there's good atmosphere there if he leads it :) He also brought his partner to the party, which I thought was rad.

Another young pastor told a story where he was called up in 2005, and the Bishop told him, "we're going to Israel in two months, and you're coming!" So he and a group of pastors and a bishop or two went to Israel, and met with Shimon Peres.

I was like, "huh?" Something about that seemed so normal yet so wrong, and he continued, "yeah, it was this highly political, highly publicized trip." Apparently the Presbyterians had mentioned something about divestment from Israel that year, and the Rabbinical something or other went into PR mode and organized a trip of "sensible Christian leaders to hear the Israeli side of the story."

He said he'd never been handled so well in his life. They were put up in a brand new hotel in Jerusalem, overlooking the Old City, and it was the nicest hotel he'd ever been in, there was free champagne with a note saying "Welcome Reverend!" I asked him if he'd ever considered writing this story down. He was like, "not really." Obviously didn't share my enthusiasm. I found it fascinating.

Somewhere in the middle of the party I checked my phone, and my Lutheran volunteer friend from Palestine had sent me a message saying I probably shouldn't include in my video the part where she names her volunteer program, or the church, or the fact that she lived in Ramallah. It's sensitive. I looked around at all these Lutherans and wondered how long it will take for stated values to trump sensitivity. Do you know how much amazing work is being done by Lutherans in Jerusalem and the West Bank? You have to seek that information out, heaven knows it's too sensitive to be advertised! I went back to the party, feeling a little disheartened.

Before we ate, we gathered around the couches to sing grace. I kind of wanted to suggest "Praise God from whom all blessing flow," which was a favorite at the Guild, but I was curious to see if Kemp would pick one that I knew. It was "Be present at our table, Lord," which has exactly the same melody, and the same 4, or 5, or 6 part harmony that was inevitably sung. Can't really compete with the Guild, but it was still like buttah. 

Over barbecued chicken and Khader's tabouleh, I told the table about last Christmas day, when I walked up the Mount of Olives alone in a rainstorm and opened the door to my new pastor's place to find fifty Lutherans from all over the world singing carols in perfect harmony around the dinner tables. It was probably the warmest moment of my life. We had a good conversation. 

Later on, I sat down with a group of women and one of them asked, "now, how did you get so tanned?"

"Oh, " and I looked this nice lady straight in the eye, "Burning Man!"

She cracked up, and asked me what my favorite part was. So I told them I loved the art cars, and some other stories from Burning Man, and one of the women mentioned that the Decompression party for San Francisco is two weekends from now, at the same time as the sailing festival, the Blue Angels flying, two cruise ships being docked, a 49ers game, a Giants game, and, as I knew already, the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass festival. And something else.

That is going to be the best weekend ever. 

All in all, it was a good day, a wonderful day. One worthy of a long post. Hope you enjoyed it!


This is a band that is getting big now. My friend played them for me on the way to Vashon Island this summer, and I liked the 80's-ness. 

Leave the guns...

Today I went into San Francisco with my cousin Jesse, and my brother's friend Duffy showed us Dolores Park, which we got a big kick out of. It was to me quintessential San Francisco, but I kind of assumed that that San Francisco was a thing of the past. Hundreds of people sitting on the grass, drinking, smoking, one guy was walking around with a tupperware of brownies saying, "edibles? edibles?" and another kid was walking around asking "anyone wanna buy some shrooms? anyone?" I just cracked up. I understood how this city spawned Burning Man. But there was way less enforcement here in the real world....strange.

Jesse and Duffy and I went up to Coit Tower to see the view of the city, then we made our way down to Little Italy and got some pizza, and coffee, and desserts. The tiramisu and chocolate mousse were divine, but Jesse said the ricotta in the cannoli wasn't fresh. Kid knows his cannoli. Going into your junior year of college having already been a professional chef, must be...well, I envy his dorm-mates.

Want good cannoli in San Francisco? Look here: Cannoli San Francisco

Southern Cross

Today I worked for a few hours labeling bottles of olive oil at the Rebuilding Alliance office with Megan, the Fair Trade Coordinator. It was great hanging out with Megan, but it was unfortunate that the people who signed up to volunteer didn't show...so we got done what we could.

Megan, who's a few years younger than me, got interested in Palestine years before I'd even heard of it, because she grew up in a community where it was a central issue. Her town in Connecticut was very well-to-do, and very Jewish, so Jewish traditions, holidays, mitzvah's, and trips to Israel were the norm for her. In middle school she became best friends with an Egyptian Muslim girl, and she would go over to her house and watch their satellite TV, with stations we don't normally get. After 9/11, when every channel seemed to be fixed on the man in the cave, she was seeing bombs hitting Palestinian villages and refugee camps. So she had been interested in Palestine for a long time, but she didn't think there was anything she could about it. That her college friend from Palo Alto recommended a job with her mother's organization, which builds homes in Palestine, was just right. And the weather was better :)

How do you get high schoolers and college kids interested in social justice? The shop next-door sells peace-related things, like this book called "The World Needs Your Kid," on how to raise your kids with a social justice mindset.

"It brings the family together too," said the shop-owner. The book next to it was "Go the F%&k to Sleep" (which I didn't know was also a YouTube sensation).

We talked about sororities. I think there's a lot of unused potential there. I was going to say untapped, but that just sounds wrong. Well, there I said it. Anyways, we did a lot of philanthropy, and leadership trainings, and that was great, but it still felt a little insulated. Then again, at that age I didn't know what my cause would be, did many of us? Maybe if that book mentioned above had been out when we were born, we would've figured it out sooner.

(I remember running from my house to the Kappa section lounge on election night 2008, and it was such an emotional moment. Really a blue and blue moment, in the middle of Walla Walla County, no less :)

Anyways, I would love to go to high schools and colleges and talk about doing national service like AmeriCorps, or running off to Palestine to live in a village. What kinds of connections would kids make to their own lives? At least it makes for a good story, and maybe some expanded paths?

John Halcyon made a short film about our Burning Man camp, and the part that stuck with me was when he first really looked at the people around him and how many different places they came from, and how many different lifestyles they'd embraced, and how many times they'd changed direction. Where he had always seen life as a bunch of paths you have to choose from, he realized that hey, there's no path, it's a whole lake! People discover this so late in life, and some never discover it at all. I've realized how important it is to tell our stories to younger generations. I'd love to go around and share this lake idea.

Song of the Day:




I was sitting on the Caltrain platform, playing this out of my phone, just grinning. If there's music like this, how can life not be good?

Think about how many times I have fallen,
Spirits are usin me, larger voices callin,
What heaven brought you and me cannot be forgotten

I have been around the world,
Looking for that woman/girl,
Who knows love can endure,
And you know it will...

Gangnam Style

"It's like Korean LMFAO" -my friend, 3 days ago, baffled that I had never seen this video. Past 200 million hits, I guess I concede, I do live under a rock. I like the combination of LMFAO with K-Pop, which is like J-Pop, which carries some nostalgia...(See We Were Angels and Yuuki 100% for some anime theme examples) I'm sure a few million people just stared at their screens wondering, "how did he know what the people want?!"

One more sleep til Friday, Friday...

Sorry to all the holiday sticklers for jumping the gun.



Donna and I were leaving the office at 7 today, packing up and shutting off the lights, when that song popped into my head. As I grabbed my bike from the courtyard and headed through the shop, the shop owner said to me, "everything's good when you leave work humming." "I was humming?" "Pretty sure!" Then I really did leave work in good spirits. Strangely enough, the trailer is more nostalgic than the movie. I must've been like, 3 when I saw it for the first time and it looked so. freakin. magical.